


Stumbling When You're Already Down

by Unleashed111



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Withdrawal, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Self-Harm, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unleashed111/pseuds/Unleashed111
Summary: John Seed had his faults, but he also overcame many of them. Before Joseph found him he was loss in a world of drugs and sex, but he had left that behind for the Project. Now he was doing the lord's work by baptizing sinners and cleansing sin. But when he unexpectedly suffers a relapse he spirals back into his old ways.During the event of Far Cry: Absolution Mary May douses John in Bliss. For former drug addicts, accidental relapses can be hugely damaging.
Kudos: 13





	Stumbling When You're Already Down

**Author's Note:**

> I am not a drug addict so I don't know the struggles and I can not speak for them, but I tried to keep this as realistic as possible. Drug addiction is serious and is a real disease, but recovery is possible.

John was sweating profusely, his slick palms clenched down on the knife in his hand. There was a slight tremor as he brought the knife closer to his thigh. Breathing shakily he made the first line. Blood flowed rapidly from the gash and pooled on the floor below. His pupils were blown wide and tears pricked at his blood shot eyes as he finished off the first letter. His heart was pounding so loud in his chest it almost physically hurt. He deserved this. He was a failure. Failure as a herald. Failure as a brother. Failure as a recovering addict.

5 years. 5 years he worked to stay sober from drugs. There was the time before Joseph where it would be almost everyday would be filled with drug and sex induced haze. Then Joseph waltzed back into his life and gave him a purpose - meaning to his dull life. The withdrawals and temptation remained a constant struggle in life but with his brother’s unwavering support he somehow stayed clean.

Then it all went to shit. That Mary May bitch got the upper hand on him and doused him in Bliss. Bliss in his life was hard to avoid, but he managed to stay away from a full high. But one trip was enough to send him spiraling again. Jacob would be disappointed in him. He was weak. He allowed himself to cave to his sins once again.

Years of suffering through withdrawals and fervent praying that SLOTH would never take over his life again and yet here he is - high out of his mind for the third time this week and it wasn’t even Wednesday yet. The old familiar feeling of emptiness suddenly filled him. He readjusted the knife in his hand and started on the next letter.

He watched blankly as the knife made its third letter. It almost felt like he was floating. The knife in the hand didn’t feel like his. Almost felt like he was watching someone else. He felt… disconnected. He barely registered the red puddle under him growing larger than normal. The pink tone of his skin faded as his skin became pale and sticky. The knife slipped from his grasp as his breathing picked up. He barely could for coherent thoughts as he watched the blood flow easily from the new SLOTH carved deeper than intended into his leg.

A tear slid down his cheek and dropped silently to the floor. He felt a pang of regret as his eyes fluttered close and he was left in the darkness alone.

—————

Jacob watched as their followers jumped out of his way when he brushed past them. He was not in a good mood and everyone could sense it. John was acting strangely and to be honest it was starting to worry him. He overhead Joseph scolding him earlier for a mistake and John walked off with his tail tucked between his legs. Usually John would just look ashamed and then brush it off but he seemed more on edge lately. He was hiding something and Jacob had had enough of his moping around.

Approaching John’s door he knocked loudly, “open up, John! I know you’re in there!”

He waited a moment. No response.

He sighed, “I’m coming in anyways, you better not be naked again!”

Jacob opened the door and the lecture he had planned died on his tongue. His eyes blazed a cold blue. Blood pooled beneath his brothers still body. John sat slumped over in his chair with his pants around his ankles and new SLOTH carving on his thigh that was still oozing blood. His chest was barely moving.

“JOHN!” Jacob rushed over and immediately put pressure on the cuts.

He felt the blood bubble up under his hand and stain his knuckles. He gritted his teeth. He was so pale and cold. How could this have happened? John was always so careful, he carved letters into people all day.

Tearing his shirt into strips he carefully wrapped the wound tight as he could. John grunted softly but otherwise made no noise or motion. His normally animated face was slack and several shades too white. His skin was cool and sticky from the blood.

“JOSEPH!” Jacob called out hoping that his little brother would hear him down the hall.

Moments later Joseph appeared in the doorway and paled at the sight before him. He slowly walked over and his usually calm face held a note of horror.

“What happened?” He barely whispered.

“I don’t know…” Jacob admitted. “I just found him like this… I don’t know how this could have happened. He’s usually so careful.”

Joseph frowned and turned his attention to John’s face. Gently he stroked his brother’s damp sweaty hair and checked his pupils.

“He’s high again. Probably overdosed. We have to take him to the infirmary.” Joseph closed his eyes.

He looked more tired than Jacob had seen him in a long time. More human than he’d seen in a long time. A wave of nostalgia washed over him. When they were kids and they would take care of John after he’d been beaten bloody by their father.

Jacob carefully picked John up bridal style and raced down the hallways with Joseph close behind. He was lighter than Jacob expected. He had noticed him drop weight quickly in these past few weeks, but he never thought it was this bad. He silently cursed himself for not seeing how bad John was spiraling.

A few curious followers watched them as they ran past them. Jacob gripped John closer to his chest trying to protect him from the prying eyes. He placed John in the back seat of the car carefully and Joseph climbed in on the other side and held John’s head carefully. Jacob watched through the rear view mirror as Joseph quietly hummed and carded his finger through John’s short dark hair. They had done this a few times in the earlier days when John was still going through withdrawals but he never hurt himself like this. They also usually had some Narcan with them, but with John being clean for so long they no longer felt the need. What a mistake.

When they arrived at the infirmary the few doctors and nurses they had swarmed around them immediately.

“It’s another code white. I know it’s been a while.” Joseph said from behind him quietly.

The doctor who had been with the Seeds since the beginning nodded quietly. Code white had been their term for John’s overdose. Jacob gently placed John down on the stretcher they brought out to them and watched as they wheeled his baby brother away.

Absentmindedly he wiped his forehead leaving a long streak of blood. Jacob turned around to see Joseph looking up at him, struggling to keep his normally calm facade as waves of concern started to break through.

“Joseph…” Jacob sighed tiredly. “There isn’t anything else we can do but wait for right now.”

Joseph closed his eyes and opened them slowly. Another brief moment of who Joseph was before he became The Father. He missed his brother who was a brother and not their leader. Slowly Jacob sat down in the waiting room chair and waited for Joseph to follow suit next to him.

“Joseph. We can’t do anything but wait. Come sit with me.”

Reluctantly Joseph sat next to him with his back ramrod straight. Jacob frowned slightly. For a while they didn’t say a word to each other. Jacob kept sneaking glances over to his brother who still hadn’t relaxed in any way.

“I remember when we were younger and I would steal you guys candy as a treat.” Jacob leaned back and glanced over at Joseph.

“We would all try a new type each time…” Joseph turned his head to meet his brother’s gaze. “What are you trying to say?”

“I miss when we were just brothers. Let your walls down and relax, Joseph.” Jacob turned to face him fully. “Be our brother, not the Father.”

Joseph held his gaze for a moment longer before breaking it, “I don’t know what you mean exactly.”

Jacob slowly reached up and pulled the glasses off his face, “relax, Joe.”

Joseph looked back at Jacob and slowly allowed himself to sit back in his chair. Jacob smiled and handed him back his glasses. Joseph took them without a word and tucked them away in his pocket.

The minutes ticked by and Jacob was growing restless. He always felt the need to keep busy and with his mind buzzing with worry he couldn’t help but fidget in his chair. He looked beside him to see Joseph meditating quietly. He will never understand how he can just sit quietly like that sometimes.

The doctor walked back out and Jacob stood abruptly. Joseph just raised an eyebrow at him, but Jacob ignored him. He was too concerned with what the doctor had to say.

“John will be alright. He probably just cut himself deeper than he intended to. We went ahead and started the detox too.” The doctor sighed, “obviously something made him relapse. You should probably talk to him when he wakes up.”

Jacob nodded fervently. If it had been anyone else who even implied that John was weak - Jacob would have ended them where they stood, but they had known this doctor from the start and he had helped John through the first steps of his detox and recovery process. Quietly the doctor led them down the hall and into a small private room. John was so pale and cold. Nothing like his normally vibrant and hot headed personality. He promised himself a long time ago that he would always be there to protect his brothers. He almost failed today.

Joseph didn’t say a word as he approached John. He reached out his hand and gently caressed his cheek before giving out a soft sigh of relief.

“Joseph? I’m sorry…” John muttered softly as he barely opened his eyes. “Please don’t leave me…”

Joseph tightly gripped John’s hand but he had already fallen back unconscious. Jacob on the other hand felt an unease rise at his brother’s words.

“Joseph. What did you say to John?”

Joseph hesitated.

“Joseph what did you do!” Jacob growled.

Joseph turned around, eyes blazing, “we will talk outside.”

Jacob stalked after his brother and closed the door quietly behind him, “explain.”

“John was slipping up more. He was allowing SIN back into his life.” Joseph looked lost for words for a moment. “I told him he could not walk to Eden’s gate with us if he allowed himself to be swallowed by his sin.”

“How dare you! John is our brother! He is our family! I will not leave him behind!” Jacob balled up his hands and stepped closer to Joseph.

“He can not be allowed to live like this any longer! Look at what his sin is doing to him! It almost cost him his life! I can not watch as he destroys himself...” Joseph trailed off.

Jacob sighed, “Joseph, he loves you and looks up to you more than anything. He probably was devastated when you told him you were gonna leave him behind. You know John wears his heart on his sleeve.”

“He’s reckless and over emotional sometimes.” Joseph agreed.

“Then we talk to him and find out why he’s been acting out. We don’t abandon our family.” Jacob crossed his arms.

Joseph nodded. Jacob let out a sigh of relief and opened the door again. It was gonna be a long night.

————

John cracked his eyes open and was faced with the blinding light of morning. His head was pounding and his throat was scratchy. He looked around for water. His eyes landed on Jacob who was dozing lightly in the chair next to him. Joseph was nowhere in sight. John felt his stomach drop but a sense of relief washed over him. He didn’t have to face his brother right now because he was sure that he was going to get kicked out now. He messed up big time. He took a sip of water.

“John…”

John looked up at the familiar voice and suddenly panic flooded him. Joseph emerged in the doorway. He looked exhausted and he was missing his usual aviators. John watched him cautiously. Beside him Jacob stirred from the noise. He always had been a light sleeper. His eyes met John’s and he perked up immediately.

“John! You’re awake.”

“I’m ok…” John broke his gaze with Jacob to glance at Joseph behind him. Jacob followed his gaze and looked over at Joseph expectantly.

“Joseph?” John asked nervously

“John…” Joseph took a few hesitant steps closer. “John, you know I love you right?”

“Of course, father.” John said reflexively.

Joseph frowned and paused for a beat. Jacob’s words echoed in his head. Be our brother, not the Father. Joseph reached up slowly and pulled out his bun, allowing the hair to fall in his face. John’s face changed immediately, “Joseph?”

“You know I love you as my little brother too?”

“I-“ John’s words died on his lips.

Joseph slowly knelt to the floor next to his bed. He gently took John’s hands in his. His fingers were trembling slightly. “John, I don’t always know how to just be your brother, but it hurt me to see you fall into your old patterns and go back to being the man you were before I found you.” Joseph took a pause. “I thought the best way to help you was to be The Father and be stern by threatening to keep you from Eden’s Gate…”

John breath hitched at the mention of being removed from the Project, waiting for Joseph continued.

“I was wrong. I should have been your brother and see that you needed someone to talk to about what was bothering you. Not a leader who seeked a singular goal.” Joseph kept his gaze steady. “Please John, tell me why you felt the need to go back to your old ways?”

John’s eyes watered, “I- It was an accident.”

“What happened, John?” Jacob cut in.

John shifted his gaze to Jacob, “When Mary May escaped my bunker a couple weeks ago she… she dumped bliss in my face.”

John’s face burned with humiliation. He squeezed Joseph’s hand tighter.

“I just laid there high in the Bliss and felt that same feeling I craved and coveted years ago. Feeling of not having to worry about anything. Don’t have to be perfect. I don’t have to be someone I’m not. Everything didn’t matter in the moment. It’s NOT FAIR!” John suddenly raised his voice. “ONE STUPID MISTAKE. THAT BITCH RUINED YEARS OF DEDICATION WITH ONE STUPID MOVE.”

Tears of frustration ran down his face, his face was flushed red. Joseph smiled slightly. John always was upfront about his emotions. Joseph brought one hand up to wipe away the tears falling down his face. John subconsciously leaned into the gentle touch. Outside of the soft forehead touches, the siblings were not very physically affectionate with one another.

“Now, John. That’s not completely true is it?” Joseph caught John’s gaze.

John didn’t answer and shifted nervously in his bed. Joseph could almost see the wheels moving in his head as he attempted to formulate a response. A dark glint entered his eye again. Joseph knew that glint. John was going to go on a rant again and place his problems onto others, but before he could speak Joseph decided to stop him before he started.

“John, you have resisted for so long and you have made a mistake, but you don’t have to struggle alone. Jacob and I are here.” Joseph spoke softly.

“John, you have us. Together we are strong. We will never leave you behind. I already scolded Joseph for trying.” Jacob reached out awkwardly and patted the top of John's head.

“I just get overwhelmed…” John whispered. “I let myself get dragged back in. I was tired of fighting and I allowed myself to become lazy.”

Joseph let out a small sigh of relief. John was learning to recognize his own faults. John nervously fiddled with his blanket. He wished that John would open his heart more and allow more people to see this side of him. Then perhaps they would be less afraid and John would give them less to be afraid of.

“This is not all your fault.” Jacob spoke up, “we should have recognized your behavior even before you relapsed. You were stressed and we weren’t there for you.”

“One mistake does not invalidate years of hard work.” Joseph nodded. “You freed yourself once and you can do it again.”

John leaned forwards and put an arm around each of his brothers. Jacob froze, not used to the sudden close contact. Joseph just lifted his arms to hug his brothers back.

John sniffled, “I’m sorry. I won’t let this happen again.”

“I love you, brother.” Jacob slowly hugged them back.

“We work on helping you and then we will march to Eden’s Gate together.” Joseph vowed.

**Author's Note:**

> Narcan is used to reverse opioid overdoses.


End file.
